Thursday, August 26, 2004
| Ashlee Simpson and Leaky Diarrhea – they’re more similar than one would think…
Here’s a story that will make your insides curl and your pubes straighten out: Two weeks ago I house-sat for my friend Angie. She lives in a one bedroom apartment in Hells Kitchen. The place rocks and is so comfortable and cool and I enjoy being there more than I enjoy being at my own apartment. Just love it. Anywhiz…Angie has a cat named Alex that is a big fat puff of crazy fur. He’s sweet enough, but he’s super skittish and every time my stoned ass walked to the fridge to eat yet another slice of pizza, he would jump out of his skin and run away as fast as he could. Just love the little guy, but he has to learn to calm down! Or maybe I should learn how to walk without knocking into shit. To make Alex my friend, I put him on the bed with me while I was watching a movie. He loved the rub down I gave him (get your minds out of the bestiality gutters please) and began purring like a maniac. Eventually he crawled up on to my chest with his ass right in my face. I was like “whatever” and kept petting him. Next thing I know a little drop of liquid falls onto my face. I’m like “huh?” I reach up and wipe the drop off my face and wonder where the leak in the ceiling is. Now here’s the vile part…for some reason I sniffed my fingers after wiping my face. It smelled like literal shit!!! I threw the cat off my chest and ran to the bathroom. To my horror, there was a smear of cat diarrhea on my face. My fingers had brown on them too. HUH HUH HUH HURL! I gagged over and over and scrubbed my face and hands. That little fur ball got so excited with my expert petting skills that a liquid piece of shit fell out of his ass right onto my cheek. The bile still rises in my throat when I think about it. I avoided Alex for the rest of the night, to say the least. End story. What else? I’m loving The Amazing Race. It’s the one reality show I could see myself doing. I’m a high strung, type A personality asshole. I would be sure to win! On the flip side, I’m loving Big Brother 5 as well. Secret twins? Long lost brother and sister? Nakomis? Love every guilty pleasuring second of it! My hambones are doing pretty well. Jim is still my favorite. Every time I open his cage, he looks up at me with these little eyes that scream “I’m so fucking adorable! Put me in your mouth!” So I do. The little bitches that live underneath him are still acting like monsters. They’ve taken to lying on their backs and lounging around their cage as though they own the fucking place. I would love to put them in my mouth too, but they bite too hard. Lastly, I still detest Ashlee Simpson. DEfuckingTEST. I heard that MTV renewed her lame ass reality show. You should have seen the fury that burst from my eyes. Basically MTV can go fuck themselves. I went from years of devoted love for them to being fully embarrassed that I’ve seen every episode of Cribs, Room Raiders, and Pimp My Ride. Pimp THIS mtv. For those of you who can’t see me right now, I’m pointing to my asshole. Alright…push through the day! The weekends almost here. It will be so nice to be able to sleep in after I get drunk with my friends. Drinking during the week takes a lot out of a boy. Peace. |
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
(sheepish grin)
OMG! Look who it is! It’s your old friend Jo-Jo (no, not of the “Get Out, Leave!” phenomenon)! Back from the dead! Man, I got some splainin to do.
First off, thank you to everyone who left me comments and sent me emails showing your concern. I’ve been crazy busy over the last month, but have definitely felt happy and alive. My brother’s visit was absolutely phenomenal. We spent two full weeks together. It was by far the best time I’ve ever had with him. He opened up to me about so many personal things. We discussed the war, his relationships, OUR relationship, future visits, etc. His whole experience in Iraq has changed him, but hopefully for the better. He’s really become a wonderful young man and has made me incredibly proud. Saying goodbye to him was very hard. Took me a few days to readjust. Luckily he returned to Germany though and not to Iraq. On December 23rd, my parents and I will fly to Europe to spend the Christmas and New Year holiday with him. Best part?! Paul’s going with me! Seriously can’t wait.
The Theatre Company is doing AWESOME! The final draft of our script has been printed and we are currently waiting for it to be copywrighted. It’s all very exciting! I’m incredibly impressed with the work we have done and the next few months will prove to be both a challenge and a reward of all that we have accomplished. If you are in the NYC area and would like to see our production, send me an email and I’ll give you the link to our website. I’m telling you, this show’s going to be BIG! As in big cock. As in you would want to suck it. As in, sick.
Over the last month, Paul and I have become full out bestest friends and lovers. I went with him to a wedding this past weekend and let me tell you, I saw a new side to him that I never thought existed. We are fully in love and happy and making arrangements to move in together in December. Who would have thought that after five years I would be more in love with him than I was when we began? It’s a long road we have decided to travel and luckily, we’re still heading down the same path.
Now, on to the (potentially) bad news…
Since my last post, I have decided to shut down the life of Joe CuttheShit. I’ve been keeping this webpage since January, 2002 and I think it’s time for me to move on to bigger and better. I’m currently keeping another blogger that (so far) has allowed me to retain my anonymity. As much as I love my readership here, it has become painstakingly clear that most of you have figured out who I am. So, because of this, I’m unable to post my heart’s desire. What I’ve decided to do is kind of phase out of this Joe life I lead, very slowly. I’m used to posting every day, but now I’m going to do it (on average) once a week. Towards the end of the year, the site will be shut down and all of this will be a wonderful memory.
I made the promise when I began this journey that I would never just up and quit. I have too much respect for those individuals who have stuck with me since the very beginning. So, as 2004 comes to a close, so will Joe CuttheShit.
But until then, let’s have a great time together slamming pop culture idiots like Ashley Simpson and Haley Duff. Let’s talk sex and drugs and ROCK AND ROLL! Let’s enjoy each other’s company and remember what it’s like to be a member of the CuttheShit family.
Much love.
OMG! Look who it is! It’s your old friend Jo-Jo (no, not of the “Get Out, Leave!” phenomenon)! Back from the dead! Man, I got some splainin to do.
First off, thank you to everyone who left me comments and sent me emails showing your concern. I’ve been crazy busy over the last month, but have definitely felt happy and alive. My brother’s visit was absolutely phenomenal. We spent two full weeks together. It was by far the best time I’ve ever had with him. He opened up to me about so many personal things. We discussed the war, his relationships, OUR relationship, future visits, etc. His whole experience in Iraq has changed him, but hopefully for the better. He’s really become a wonderful young man and has made me incredibly proud. Saying goodbye to him was very hard. Took me a few days to readjust. Luckily he returned to Germany though and not to Iraq. On December 23rd, my parents and I will fly to Europe to spend the Christmas and New Year holiday with him. Best part?! Paul’s going with me! Seriously can’t wait.
The Theatre Company is doing AWESOME! The final draft of our script has been printed and we are currently waiting for it to be copywrighted. It’s all very exciting! I’m incredibly impressed with the work we have done and the next few months will prove to be both a challenge and a reward of all that we have accomplished. If you are in the NYC area and would like to see our production, send me an email and I’ll give you the link to our website. I’m telling you, this show’s going to be BIG! As in big cock. As in you would want to suck it. As in, sick.
Over the last month, Paul and I have become full out bestest friends and lovers. I went with him to a wedding this past weekend and let me tell you, I saw a new side to him that I never thought existed. We are fully in love and happy and making arrangements to move in together in December. Who would have thought that after five years I would be more in love with him than I was when we began? It’s a long road we have decided to travel and luckily, we’re still heading down the same path.
Now, on to the (potentially) bad news…
Since my last post, I have decided to shut down the life of Joe CuttheShit. I’ve been keeping this webpage since January, 2002 and I think it’s time for me to move on to bigger and better. I’m currently keeping another blogger that (so far) has allowed me to retain my anonymity. As much as I love my readership here, it has become painstakingly clear that most of you have figured out who I am. So, because of this, I’m unable to post my heart’s desire. What I’ve decided to do is kind of phase out of this Joe life I lead, very slowly. I’m used to posting every day, but now I’m going to do it (on average) once a week. Towards the end of the year, the site will be shut down and all of this will be a wonderful memory.
I made the promise when I began this journey that I would never just up and quit. I have too much respect for those individuals who have stuck with me since the very beginning. So, as 2004 comes to a close, so will Joe CuttheShit.
But until then, let’s have a great time together slamming pop culture idiots like Ashley Simpson and Haley Duff. Let’s talk sex and drugs and ROCK AND ROLL! Let’s enjoy each other’s company and remember what it’s like to be a member of the CuttheShit family.
Much love.
